I have an issue… a BIG issue. I am sick of people who don’t know SHIT trying to convince me that their failures are my fault.
Let’s start with Meg, my wife. Hold on, Sports Fans… no need to worry.
I started this blog a long time ago with one premise: This is for ME- for ME to vent my issues. I ain’t doing it for anyone else. I am not trying to make this some sort of indirect explanation of my feelings to make other people feel good. If someone reading this doesn’t like what I say, well… too fucking bad for you. Meg stopped following my blog a long time ago because she was tired of reading my complaints. I told her, “Fine… stop, because I will NOT make MY blog something digestible for you. This is MY blog…MINE.”
She has issues with passive-aggression. She won’t address them. I won’t tolerate them. I have no problem with direct confrontation. I have a BIG problem with anyone their bleeding their feelings on me and trying to make it my fault when they don’t have the guts to address their own issues. She tries to use these passive-aggressive tactics against me thinking, I guess, that I am too stupid to notice them. WRONG. If someone has something to say, say it. period. The end. Sidways comments are not appreciated.
I have tried numerous time to discuss this with her reasonably. She refuses to hear anything I say. Then, backed into a corner, I finally get nasty about it and she runs off crying, saying, “I can’t hear you when you are nasty.” So, she WON’T hear me when I am decent, but she CAN’T hear me when I am nasty. What can I do? She has a nasty tome when she speaks, but won’t deal with it. She has ADMITTED that she has these issues, but does nothing to deal with them, choosing rather to blame me for my reaction to them. She throws pennies at the bear and then whines when the bear finally says, “ENOUGH!” If she dislikes the reaction she gets from throwing pennies, she ought stop throwing them to begin with. She refuses to see the cumulative effect that 1,000 pennies cause, blaming me for reacting to the LAST penny she threw.
She also abuses the knowledge that she has of my mental shit. She discounts everything I say. “Well…. that’s just your PTSD.” I have the right to be angry at unreasonable situations without her excusing her behavior by blaming me for it.” I have asked her, “Give me an example of me doing that.” Her response, “Well, I can’t give you a specific example.” Do i look like a congressional fucking committee on porn? “I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it.” How am I suppose to fix something I do when she cannot tell me what I do? Bullshit! She is vacillating so she can continue blaming me.
I am suppose to follow certain rules she has laid down. Don’t yell. Don’t call names. Yet, she violates them whenever she wants to. She has NO CLUE how to converse. She seems to think that the equation is “fuck up and apologize.” Numerous times she has said stuff like, “I wish you would go ahead and die so I won’t have to deal with you anymore.” Then she apologizes and think the slate is clean. Then, she says it again. But I am supposed to be decent in the midst of that. Fuck that. I am sick of trying to deal with my issues just so they can be used against me. Every method I try is demeaned.
I am done with this. From now on, if she provokes The Bear, she will get The Bear- and I refuse to apologize. I am only responsible for leading a horse to water. She wants to lay every issue at the feet of my anger? Then anger is what she will get. I won’t bear the burden of her mental issues while she does nothing to deal with them. Just yesterday, after me telling her for MONTHS and YEARS that she has issues with passive-aggression, she told me she has not even bothered to look it up. She is not trying and I am sick of beating my head against a wall.
Also, as anyone reading this knows, I have TB and have for a ling time. It almost killed me. I am getting good care from the county I live in but I have this one nurse who is such a load of shit it is unbelievable. Just today she “tried” to “explain” to me that I just don’t have any idea how specialist work, that my expectations are unreasonable.
Really? I have no understanding and need you to explain it to me? Hmmm… let me see. TB doctors are specialist. Ok. How about Nuclear Cardiologists? Are they “specialist?” Do orthopedic surgeons qualify as specialists? Reproductive Endocrinologists? Do they meet your slightly-better-than-average education? I have dealt with them all. I know how things work. So, FUCK YOU for thinking you need to ‘splain things to me. Especially when you have proven yourself incompetent.
You will NOT blame me for your inabilities.
She tells me that my doctor will be upset that I haven’t provided a blood sample in months. Oh, I tried. They have stuck me at least seven times fruitlessly. “Well, you are not an easy stick.” Again, I call BULLSHIT. I have had eight or nine surgeries and been in the hospital weeks upon weeks when people come in at any hour and need blood. No problem. I have donated for the Red Cross a dozen times and no problem. I gave blood to be paid for plasma twice a week for three years and NO PROBLEM. In fact, EVERYONE, until these morons, have talked about how GOOD my veins are. So this bitch wants to pull up her sleeve and SHOW ME what good veins look like? Are you fucking kidding me? Literally, I was giving blood from my good veins when your mama was still picking out your clothes so I would appreciate it if you would just drink a nice, tall glass of “Shut The Fuck Up.”
I am willing to learn. I am eager to learn. I REFUSE, however, to be instructed by the ignorant.
If I toot my own horn, I am mean. If I don’t, I am supposed to listen to the brightest stupid person tell me what I need to know.
Fuck them. Fuck all of ’em. Learn a little bit. Edimucate ytourselves before you even THINK about instructing me.
I have tried to lay back. I have done the work…. but I will NOT continue just so IDIOTS can trt to stand over me.
I am sick of it. I have my shovel. Kindly shut up and start digging.
I am DONE trying to be nice when the only result is me being taken advantage of.
Don’t like my anger? Too bad. Shoulda though about that BEFORE you opened your stupid mouth.